Betrayal and Heartbreak

Break ups are hard, really hard.

Last night I ended a long term relationship and it was dreadful. It was an evening that certainly didn’t go to plan and it just didn’t end the way I had imagined.

In the spirit of openness and sharing, I’ll relive the whole gory mess for you.

I guess we’d known this day was coming but put it off for as long as possible. Yesterday afternoon, I drove the 150 miles to see you, full of hope and love, singing lustily along to songs blaring out of the car stereo.  I felt my heart beat faster as I got closer and as I walked those last few hundred yards to your door, I could feel the smile broaden across my face – it’s been a while since we were together, but as ever, you were welcoming and warm.

You’ve never been much of a one for fancy dining and after your drink troubles, I knew a beer was out of the question. However, the steak pie you made for me, looking back, I can see now that was the first sign of trouble, the pie was ok, not your best, and barely warm and normally I wouldn’t pass comment. But after the way our evening ended, I’m just lashing out.

We sat down and started – you were looking great but something just wasn’t right. It felt like your heart wasn’t in it and then it all got very messy.  Indiscretion upon indiscretion came forth – I never knew there were so many things wrong with us. As the evening wore on, it just got worse, my hoped for passion fizzled and died. There were loud arguements, there was shouting, a LOT of shouting, there was swearing, a LOT of swearing, a LOT of very bad swearing and there were a great many things said in the heat of the moment that are going to be very, very difficult to ever take back.

By the time we were done, I just sat slumped in my seat, unable to believe what had just happened – how the love of my life could have betrayed me quite so coldly and callously. I know I’m leaving to go to Alaska in a few days, but really,  —  this is how you choose to mark our last time together.

Shocked and a little stunned, I walked away. For the memories and the love I felt and still feel, I couldn’t help but have one last long look back over my shoulder as I left. You just stood there, silent, but shining in the glow of the lights. I could still feel that familiar glow I get everytime I look at you, or hear your name and I knew that no matter how hard this break up was, and how much I hate and despise you just now, I will always love you and I will always have space for you in my life.  Aberdeen FC – you really sucked last night and it’s a shocking last memory to leave me with – getting humped by some no-name crowd of Czechs – but for all of the low points I have had with the Dons (and there have been far too many recently) , there are so many outstandingly good memories, that I forgive you.

No matter the heartbreaks to come, we will always have Gothenburg.


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